There is a shift going on in our collective consciousness, one where outdated belief systems are presenting themselves in our relationships. In the inner relationships with ourselves and the relationships we have with other people around us.
This is a beautiful time to be alive and witness the healing that takes place within and therefore ripples throughout the world. When we chose to put down our shields and to become vulnerable to the people that we love and throughout our day it can be challenging. This stirs a pot that has been boiling for aeons.
As teachers, healers, and practitioners this can be even more present. That is reflected with potency when we chose to walk this path. I want to say that I am so grateful for all of the teachers that have forced me to look at where these limiting beliefs that I held to be true. I want to express my gratitude for the mirrors of self reflection that have been lovingly placed in my path, from a perception that they are there to help me grow.
When I realise that I am not perfect in the sense that I too have made monumental mistakes from my limited views and beliefs it brings me a sense of humbleness that I want to hold on to in moments where I am challenged. May we all be able to shift and learn with a loving eye, may we all stumble and fuck up with a lightness of heart.
Recently I have been challenged in my personal relationship with my wife. We have consciously chosen each other to be a part of each others lives. This has required me to constantly chose unconditional love and my perception of what that means and integrate it into this relationship. My partner wants to open our relationship, and I wanted to keep it closed.
I have had to reflect internally as to why this has triggered my soul so deeply. The wounds of being abandoned, and the wounds that my DNA carries, in addition to the social, and religious ramifications showed their nasty energy draining faces. There was no where to go, and still there is no where to hide. Changing dynamics in a relationship, learning to trust my partner in a new way. This has "gently" nudged me into a new path of understanding and opening myself up to something that is healing wounds within myself that I did not even know that I was carrying. Such sweet medicine, such heart expanding and wonderfully colourful emotions that this one situation has brought up.
I noticed at first with my limited view that this is a recurring theme in conscious partnerships. We are exploring together- As we are all one.....what will that sort of paradigm shift will look like and feel like?? It takes a considerable amount of courage and bravery to walk down this path. Its rewards are infinite as are we.... as human beings. I struggled with these feelings being a transgender man with a cis- gendered woman, personalising her wanting to explore this to mean “ Im not good enough” or “I am don’t have and will never have what cis men do”. To be honest it opened the gates of insecurity within me and guess what ?? I went to those insecurities and explored them letting myself feel all of the crazy emotions and feelings that it unearthed. Fuck was it challenging, and after beating myself up I began to realise that actually it has nothing to do with ME. The selfish child and brat within me made it about me, my wife wants to be intimate and have relationships with other people so how could that not have to do with me?? While it does include me by the law of interconnectedness it does not mean that it IS ME.
I was raised as a Born Again Christian and being gay, changing gender, and worshiping/ praising something other than Jesus Christ would get you a one way ticket to hell. For a time in my formative years I believed that to be true and the fear of that hell is what fuelled my actions, to stay quiet, to not question, to not be ME. That went out the window when I started to listen to and follow my heart. I slowly let those things go because I wanted to live my truth, the truth of who I am still now… LOVE. After coming out for the second time as transgender I realised again I was pushing past these deep seated beliefs and once again pushing past them to live a life that was inspired from my heart and soul. I went months and years debating and arguing with myself about all of the things that I would lose.
The dialogue shifted into all of the beautiful things that I would gain and the fear of losing no longer had its grips on me. What would I gain? Self love, acceptance, a new view and passion for life, change and an invigorated self esteem which turned into self empowerment. I made a choice to continue to follow my heart, which I saw at one time as a burden that I had to drag and carry around with me throughout my life. My relationships changed, they grew in such beautiful and life affirming ways. People grew around me, they were witnessing how this transformation affected my life, it affected theirs as well. Because…. When you transition, it by default forces the people who are in your life to shift their perspective, to open their minds to something that is still largely misunderstood….. Sound familiar??
My wonderful partner tried in the beginning to get me to see this parallel between these concepts. Open a relationship/ polyamorous lifestyle and exploration vs. transitioning from one gender to another. I selfishly denied this in fact I emphatically grasped at straws to validate the differences in my head. And yeah I was that asshole.... I was wrong, and I love myself for that and can say that with a light heart :) .
We are moving toward higher frequencies and states of being, ones that cannot sustain our old limiting patterns of belief systems. We simply will not make it if we don’t own our shit, process it and move forward. Either that or our new relationships will crumble. The same lessons will continue to appear through the laws of karma and will riddle our existence until we chose to resolve them. This is very simple as a concept, but when practiced…. You will feel like your insides are being ripped to shreds! In a good way of course. The foundations upon what you think and associate love to be will be ripped out of your clenched hands. Some of us feel threatened at first because this energy that we are moving into can feel so foreign and new…. Granted it is foreign because I would go as far as to say that none of us grew up in an entirely unconditionally loving bubble or household. We are unlearning and relearning together, and that is so beautiful.
So here I am back to my hometown re-learning to love myself, all of my weird and cosmic quirks, all of my raw and tender emotions all while navigating between worlds. It was of course easier to do when I was in a yogic, spiritual, and medicine bubble. But the real work for me was to integrate this in my trigger hotspot zones!!! I am slowly truly seeing from the eyes of unconditional love. That does not mean that I am a walking ball of sunshine all of the time, it just means that I show up for myself with a loving presence for whatever arrises. I shower myself with love…. I feel angry, resentful, dramatic, imbalanced- I give myself love and the “go ahead” to feel what I am feeling. I feel happy, expanded, light, and joyous- I give myself love and presence to feel what I am feeling. The feelings go beyond that and flood into the actions that I take, I make a mistake or say something wrong, or forget something- I offer myself love and presence. I do something amazing, help a friend or client, have a revelation- I offer myself love and presence. I have found this makes things so much more light hearted, I am grateful for the “worst” of moments, I am grateful to let myself feel and to hold space. Without judgement, is the key without judgement and without punishing myself or getting down on myself. That is what love is, and can you imagine when this is practiced inward how the effect can move outward into the relationships that currently have and the new relationships that I cultivate in the future??
This I am so grateful for, I have this amazing gift to transform and pass down new healthier ways to co -create…to co -exist with the newer generations of people that are coming in. I also want to say, the souls that are coming in have these downloads already, because we have done the work, we have done the practice, and we are committed to re defining love.
I want to show love to all of my friends, all of the healers, all of the starseeds, light workers, empaths…. all of the ascended masters in training, all of the souls who are waking up, all of the modern day heroes and workers, all of the mothers and fathers raising children, all of the transgender and gender non conforming individuals, I want to show love for all of the trailblazers and scientists, to all of the sceptics, all of the old paradigmers ( gotta show them love). I want to show love to all the “positive” and “negative” role holders throughout the world. Without them we would not know where we have been and where we are going.
Thank you and always in Service
Jordan Hope Miller
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