From Born Again-To Freedom. Ayahuasca and Homework. 33 Masters

Updated: Nov 28, 2020

First off I want to say, that I love to share stories. It is one of my deepest treasures in life. It is creating worlds within this world, it captivates and can sometimes relay wisdom in a much more integrative way than just a fancy one liner. When we are able to feel something, even if it is a story that is not our own, we begin the process of synergy and it becomes a part of us, our cells intermingle and dance into a new way of relating from this newfound shared perspective.

Storytelling is expansive, and my intention is to assist in the expansion process by adding a bit of my color to the universal stage.

I was raised, in a born again Christian household. My first experiences with God, and a higher power were in fact very fear driven and fear based. As a child I knew, like most children know when people are full of shit, or are hypocritical...

When you are a kid you aren't afraid to say the truth, your voice is uninhibited and raw. Kids cut through the bullshit and usually its quite entertaining for the adults who are around to hear. I saw through the bullshit of the story of God that required subservience in order to be loved, to me that sounded much more like "men". But still it did get in there a bit, after years of attending this church and being held to those guidelines of how to deserve love.

I remember so much of my history, in fact I remember past lives in full detail. This I used to be afraid of admitting to myself let alone sharing with others. Now I have moved into a place that fear has no right to exist in, I am moving closer and closer to what "God" is. Because I have always known, what that force is, what that love is.

This underlying fear of being sent to eternal damnation pervaded my psyche. I understand this, and in order to break free of not only that but the heaviness of the hive mind of society- it has taken a strong sense of self, and it has taken an absence of need for external validation. This sense of self, we ALL have, I know this to be true, when I catch a glimpse of it in strangers eyes. The feeling behind the things, the metaphysical background this is what is strongest and most dominant.

I see deeper, I have to, it is just who I am, and I love it.

The point of language, is to translate a feeling.... not to get trapped or wrapped up in the most appropriate or accurate words when we all have the capability to look further, we all have the strength to do this.

I used to feel ostracised, victimised, and frankly it felt like I lobotomised myself because of it how I see. (When I hated myself for looking further and understanding more deeply, then cut myself off from who I was, and I decided to stop harming myself in that way)

How painful, and beautiful it is to cut yourself off from the truth. The only reason I say beautiful express is because the inevitability of reunion.... The boomerang, the return to who and what we are even when we stray, our entire lives. We all return to the truth... Whatever that may be.

For me, my relationship with my truth has been shrouded in that same fear that I was taught when I was younger. That I needed to be all of these obedient things to be loved, and to stay away from other forms of "God" because they were in fact the " Devil" (Don't get me wrong there is also immense love and beauty, but the tactics that are used to get there in this religion are of importance, and should be critiqued, with the eyes of love)

I have always been tied to this extra sensory world. The imagination and mystery much like my connection and remembrance to past lives has always been so present within my system. I have seen spirits, I regularly speak and communicate with plants, animals, water, rocks, the breeze and most often trees.

I see and sense peoples energies, what goes on inside their bodies, their past that they do not want to see, their gifts, and their immense beauty. I feel their emotions as if they are my own. I travel to different dimensions in my sleep, and often times I am gifted information about others in my dreams. Information that is always confirmed as I am now more vocal about my experiences, and just share it.

When I sat in my first ayahuasca ceremony her spirit cloaked my wounds, fed my spirit, and shared " you have always been this way, and it's time to share". I also purged like I have never even thought was possible in one night. Yay

In the months and now years after that profound experience I have been doing the homework. To be quite honest I won't do another ceremony without doing the homework.

I have been sharing myself and my gifts while, doing the shadow work necessary for anyone who is working in the healing and spiritual worlds. I do this work for myself, because I love myself and it is one of the most sacred spaces that I can hold for myself.

So there is this project that I have been working on in my head, and building in my internal art studio. It is an Oracle Card deck set. I have now been able to complete it in this tangible reality. I am very excited and happy to share it with you all.

To make this post full circle there is a reason that I started to share with you my background. The things that I have come up against in my search for freedom. There was a time not just a few months ago that that same fear presented itself to me, in the form of my mother. She was very concerned for my well being and what I was getting into with this wonderful creation of the Oracle Cards. I was being faced with my past and it had the face of my mother, who I am sure most of you reading this can relate the specific heart string that gets pulled when its relating to your mother. It took me days to shake the intense conversation and debate that we had on good and evil, the devil and heaven... and finally I made peace with the fact that even my mother might not understand the beauty that is who I AM at my core, and that has to be okay, because the one person who matters most knows who I AM, and that is ME.

(The whole transgender thing was okay but psychic nooo that just pushed it way too far... :)

The dream that helped me continue my chosen path was that I was driving my car and there was so many energies and chaos going on outside of the car around me. I heard a voice and a feeling inside of me came through relaying that the most important thing that I needed to do was to hold on the the wheel and focus on what completing the cards, because they add beauty and truth to this world. No matter what happens around me. This was definitely a prophetic dream, seemingly there were things going on around me that I could have easily let myself get wrapped up in, but I didn't I let myself go to that eternal voice deep within the well of my soul, and I listened, to bring that part of myself here into this world.

And trust me I was tested, that same week I decided to end things with my wife which was the biggest plot twist that I have experienced in my life.

Freedom comes softly.

That freedom really had nothing to do with what has been outside of me. This took as long as it took for me to actually get it. I had heard it many times and I had even spouted it out in my sessions to others before... For it to work its way into my system like the way that a beautiful story works it way into a heart. Freedom is not a set equation of steps on how to follow, it happens in an instant and -stretched out over time. The paradox, much like the creation that took place in my head for over three years leading to the moment of unwrapping the cards. I feel it being embodied in me now, I feel this freedom working its way throughout my cells, and for that I am grateful for all of the contrasting experiences..

Love and Gratitude

Jordan Hope Miller

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